hello! ** my name is florian, i use he/fae/they pronouns. my primary interest is magic, but the social implications of magic, how magical beliefs develop in societies. i do a little bit of tarot regarding actually practicing magic, but because of my mental health concerns i have to be incredibly cautious with actually participating in any kind of magic. i learned that one the hard way, haha! i'm one of the newer members of the system, as i only showed up in may of this year, or perhaps it was late april. either or :3! my fursona is a fox, though i kind of want to redesign it. it was dark green but i think a light green fox might be even cuter. i'm desperate for places to express myself as myself. i had a mediocre latte this morning and a really good egg and cheese croissant.
something i hate is that i'm going to likely have to somewhat hide myself forever. once we go into the workplace it is imperitive that we aren't openly plural there. maybe i could get into programming so i can make my page look all fancy. i think that would be fun. i want my tattoo symbol to be a dahlia flower. i think they're just so beautiful. oh i also really love nature, the natural world, and fairies. i think i'm going to decorate a small lantern we have and put the pewter figurine of a wizard we have in there, along with some fake moss from a hobby shop to make a little fairy house. charlie/ghost/sillum/will's partner bought it for me at ikea :3.
i dont understand why we do the check ins in my class. the teachers seem incompetent, they always seem to forget what we're doing. they constantly use acronyms. it feels like they're trying to make something sound important that isn't. it feels stupid. there's just so much beuraucracy. also i despise the word "neurospicy." one of my professors, who has advertised her hookah business twice in class, has also said "neurospicy" at least twice. i can tell she's on tiktok too much. honestly i'm a little embarrassed for her.
lowkey, i kind of despise myself. i've hurt people through not thinking about others emotions. i accidentally may have summoned a demon. i just feel like a failure. i want to fix myself desperately but i don't even know where to start. i'm lazy, i need to try harder. i don't even know what the point is. i'm someone who desperately wants to express himself who leads a hidden life. i want to cry but i'm in class.
they're still going over introductory information in my class. kill me now. we went to a goth night last night with 2 friends of ours. it was fun. it was mostly a combination of charlie, will, puck, and ghost last night. we took 2 freshmen home last night because they were planning on walking home from downtown with no weapons as queer 18 year olds by themselves. not smart on their end but we made sure they got home safe.
i think i'm going to start gardening and planting flowers in my room. that might make me feel like i don't ruin everything.